Love and Relationships

I Have a Confession…

…and I feel safe in confessing this because even though my fiance Will is full of suggestions for posts… he never reads them. That’s neither here nor there. Okay… here it goes… The other day, I looked through Will’s phone without him knowing. Now before you hit me with an influx of “you deserve whatever you find you untrusting b*tch” comments, let me say for the record that I do not condone this behavior… but I do believe that I was predisposed to it.

As a black woman in a relationship with a black male, you innately bring biases and preconceived ideas into your relationships that tend to make you paranoid. They’re kind of beat into you from birth: all black men cheat… all black men have different baby mommas, all black men like Cheetoes… Okay that one doesn’t apply. Anyways, because of these myths, the thought of being “played” or made a fool of is constantly present – Maybe not in the forefront, but it’s there.

I honestly believe that this is one of the primary reasons why black women ‘juke’ themselves out of finding and keeping a “good” black man. All of the snooping, nit-picking, and paranoia can easily draw a wedge of mistrust in even the most solid of relationships – And quite frankly, I’m a firm believer that if you go looking, you may find something that you didn’t bargain for… which leads us back to my phone snooping… Did I find anything?… No I did not πŸ™‚


The 3 Biggest Things No One Ever Told You About Sex After Having A Baby(s)

1.) Having Sex In Front of Your Newborn(s) May All of a Sudden Become Acceptable

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Diaper change… check. Night-night bottle… double check. Nice little pallet on the floor because your newborn babies don’t want to be more than 5 feet away from you… triple check. Now what? You have to get some love making in somewhere right? You’ve just made a tiny person – two in my case. Your boobs are swollen, and rival Pamela Anderson’s. Your hair is probably still thick and shiny from the hoards of prenatal vitamins, and best of all – you can have a margarita before bed time. So what your children are in the room. They’re hearing hasn’t fully developed anyway.

2.) Sex May Well Rank Behind “Buying Some Better Nipple Pads” on Your To-Do List

Let’s state the obvious – your life has changed forever. There are bottles to sanitize, tons of “I β™₯ Mommy” bibs to wash, and to put it bluntly… your nether region feels like it’s been in a fight with a mountain lion. Sex is so not on your radar. If you do find the time (and I commend you if you can) a shot of whiskey and a quick nap may be more like what’s in order.

3.) Dad’s Are Sexy!

It may not have occurred to you pre-baby but once you see your tiny baby resting securely in the arms of your mate, or better yet, seeing him changing your baby’s toxic diaper, he will appear stronger, and more manly than you’ve ever seen him before. You’ll be hotter for him than you’ve ever been too.


We’ll do it tomorrow…

We seem to be have a chronic issue in our relationship… Sex – When in the hell do we have time to “bump uglys”? Our intentions are good. We may talk a little dirty to each other early in the day.. I might throw out a little sexy pet name or two like Pookie or Snuggle Butt.. but without fail, sex gets put off until the next day… or the next day.. or… you get the drift. Now don’t get me wrong, we have a pretty healthy sex life – We have sex at least twice a week which I feel is great for the average working couple. {For inquiries on how in the hell we pull that off, feel free to ask.} But I don’t think it’s as consistent as we’d like for it to be, and I’m sure there are other couples out there who don’t average as much time in the bedroom as we do who feel the same.

Let’s face the facts: Sex is a major influence on the quality of a relationship. Period. If as a couple, you get to the point where you stop having sex, the relationship can become subject to detachment, anger and possible infidelity or divorce. You may think you have a good reason for cutting back on sex whether it be children or work, but the fact is that study after study proves its importance to a healthy relationship. So no matter what you have to do – be it dressing up, or planning a monthly date night. Never let having relations with your partner fall by the way-side. Remember.. Sex is like air.. It’s not important until you’re not getting any.

2 thoughts on “Love and Relationships

  1. Yoyo says:

    ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Im tellin WILLL!!!!

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